Tonight I was sitting on the porch swing. As my 17 yod walked away I asked the Lord, "where did I mess up?"
I'll tell you.
#1 I encouraged my daughter to "be someone" and attend college, career, money...etc...
#2 I haven't always respected my husband. The first 10 years of our marriage I would question him in front of the children (I still sometimes do, I try and shut my trap, but sometimes my flesh over takes me.)
#3 If mom doesn't respect dad, children do not respect dad. ugh!!!!!
#4 The BIGGEST problem. Moving through the day WITHOUT JOYFULNESS. Now I had moments of happiness, and joy, but I would let things (dirty clothes, spilled food, crying baby) steal my joy. I still do let things steal my joy. :( But, I am getting better. When a crisis hits, honestly I cave. But after a few minutes to an hour, sometimes over night, I re-group and move into joyfulness.
My oldest daughter wants to move out when she is 18, get a job, continue college. :( I am praying that she will turn her heart to the Lord and SEE that He created her to be a wife and a mom, not a career woman. She sees other Christian professional women, why not her? I told her for years "your going to college." The bible is right when it says you reap what you sow!
With my younger 3 girls we are enjoying, WITH JOY, daily homemaking tasks. My girls are pursuing baking and cooking and they see to tasks with a LIGHTNESS and a joy that I didn't have with Hanna.
I once read Michael Pearl say "JOY IS THE BEST GLUE FOR A FAMILY." He sure was right.
If I had a chance to do it all over again with my oldest, I'd choose MORE JOY!!!!!!
I don't have that chance to relive her whole childhood again, but I can CHOOSE JOY with the rest of my children.
I want to type more, but I promised Yatzee with the children. :)
Blessings,
Shannon
1 comments:
Can I encourage you? Dear sister, there is grace even in our parenting shortcomings and marriage shortcomings, and personal shortcomings too...why? because none of us does it all right, 110%.
I also have a 17 year old, and it's a scary feeling knowing that, at least "legally" she's an independent adult next year...but He who began a good work in us AND IN OUR CHILDREN will complete that work until the day of Jesus Christ.
Please, don't view her choices or her life as the fruit of your failures...continue to view her as a gift from God and continue to rejoice in God's providential hand at work in her life...even if and when she goes to college. I went to college, and yet here I am, happy mommy. Sure, I took the scenic route, and wish I hadn't...but all in all the things I did and things I had to go through have also been tools in the hands of the Creator to keep making me into His image more and more...and to make me who I am...and even in imperfect things, He has been at work.
Just wanted to give you a few encouraging words.
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